Wicked_eyes

We always say to the one's we start a relationship with in the beginning. I'll never change and please never change the way you are. Then a few months go by and we, they start to get to know us better as we do them. One or the other will find things not to their liking or things aren't the same.  So we do try to change the other person.  It's not just the heart, it could also be the mind. Maybe even the entire being. You hold on and try to teach a person because to us things come easily, everything is common sense but not to all. And you try so hard to make them see how simple things can be if they use their mind the way we do but they don't have the same mind or use it in the same way. Now I ask this. Do we feel we are wasting our time on changing someone's heart or mind? Are we trying to change them for them to be better? Or are we changing them for our own benefit? Only you have lived your life with yourself, so only you know you better than anyone else. I...

I've always been alone. It's all I know, it's what I'm comfortable with. It's all I'm use to. After feeling that alone is stress free, no other people's stories, no responsabiliity, being simple and free. I don't think I can change that, I don't think I want to. I can blame all my mistakes on not knowing anything else but me and being alone all my life. Failed marriages, not being able to be a mother not being able to do anything but be alone. It's how I started life, it's how I've lived my life and it's how my life will end. Alone and I'm fine with that.

Growing up I had a relative, this person had offsprings, they would not ask each other for favors or do things for one another unless there was something in returned involved. That was something I couldn't understand because when I do something for another being I do it selflessly. I see someone struggling and I feel the want to take on that struggle or problem and fix it, make it a better situation, make the stress of it go away. I do anything and everything in my power to help, to fix, to make their worries or problems disappear, I do it sometimes anonymously,  because I don't need anything from those beings, no acknowledgement, recognition, nothing in return. It could be because I never put myself in situations where I need anything from anyone, it could be because I'm a fixer, I've been called that before. Whatever that means hahaha. Or maybe I just don't want to be stressed hearing other beings problems they've gotten into.  Back to that relative, she wou...

Most humans decide to or even accidentally reproduce, they give life to another being, someone that is their own individual but in your care and protection until they are adults and leave to live their own lives. A parent will never let go of that child but will think and worry and even suffer. The suffering of a parent that loses their child physically from this world is greater than one who is saying goodbye to theirs when they leave home but saying goodbye is not possible ever for a parent. I will be taking my baby boy to the airport Thursday and I've already started to feel the pain and sadness of him leaving. He will be only a state away but my overly active mind has ran through a thousand situation that I won't be there to take care of or protect him from. At the moment my anxiety and stress is so bad I'm crying and my chest aches.  I know in time it will become less painful and sad but the worry will forever be there until I see him again.  Just thinking of all t...

I feel the mirror is a jealous friend. I'm not one to look into the mirror often,only a glance to see if my ponytail is neat but mostly I can feel it as I brush it. It's is a strange object, it's supposed to reflect the image in front of it but what I see isn't what you see, I'll look and see through my eyes and you'll see through yours, is it the image the person has in their eye or mind that showed what's in the mirror and is that image the same the person sees. I guess what I want to know is the image in the eye of who's looking at the mirror or are mirrors the exact image we see or what we want to see. Why do we use a mirror to see how we look but then turn around and ask someone how they think we look, because we see through it with our eyes and having doubts about how our eyes see things and not trusting the image in the mirror (what our mind's eye see) we need to know another person sees the same. I hate trying out clothes at stores , nothing...

 So today I start my new schedule. You see I have waited for something but I did not know what it was I was waiting for. A Life.  Most of us have a childhood and as time goes by we learn things, some irrelevant, something we learn will form our future, somethings we file away and not think of until it is needed.  Last night everything I ever learned,experienced and filed away, came at me and I'm not sure if I'm using the right word but I had an Epiphany, which by the way was the name of the woman who gave her life to give me mine.  I am excited, I have, I feel, to make plans, some people will come into my world and will help me and some will try to tear me down but I have this overwhelming feeling, and again, I feel there is another word to describe it, that things are clicking into place AND I WILL  BE  OK!

Some people are magnets, and I mean they attract other beings for certain purposes and you might not realize it but you are to them something they are looking for, whether it's just conversation, advice, a pat on the back they feel they don't really deserve or just that they are lost and broken and you are that magnet, that light, that mind that they don't have that tells them if they're right or wrong, if they shouldn't or should if it's possible to even do. If you are a magnet, and believe me you can live in a box and they will gravitate towards it, you will know if you are and you will understand that when you are needed you put yourself aside and become them, not wwjd because that not who they came to for whatever their needs are but what would you be able to live with . No advice, no what if, no so and so do but what can you live with as in whether it's the right thing or not, can you live day after day with a clear mind?